July Sixth Drift:: a poem by Dominique 

Drift

A poem by Dominique

Drifting into the space

between dreams and reality

Opening up the mind

to unknown possibilities

Breaking the chains of slavery

freeing yourself with love

We ask ourselves questions

in the deep dark

Am I meant to live this way

or

should I surrender it all to you?

I choose submission

-Dominique

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Passionate Expression of Empathy by: Dominique Barrentine

ADULT CONTENT WARNING:: This blog post concerns sensitive material concerning rape and may be triggering or offensive to some people.  I am outraged and deeply saddened when I hear of cases such as the State of California vs. Brock Turner. Our legal system is demented when rapists are given a slap on the wrist. How is it that so many people can look the other way? Unfortunately rapists are all around us. The sex offender registry is a joke. We need new judges, new laws, and steeper consequences. I think the book should be thrown at this kid and all others like him. Rape is wrong. 

When it happens to other people
They say how sad, 

They say poor thing, 

But when it happens to you it’s different, 

It’s everything. 

How can they sit there and tell me to get over it? 

This pain inside is unreal. 

They say that it gets easier but how long will it take? 

If I continue on with this inward struggle I’m afraid I might break. 

I try my best to hide it. 
I cry silently.
Stifling the sobs and inside screaming. 
Compartmentalization has become a full time job. 
Enjoying anything is difficult. 
Sometimes I hate myself so badly. 
I wish I had fought them off. 
Almost all of the men I knew abused me…used me… 

I forgive them.

Why can’t I forgive myself?

I feel betrayed and alone. 
Often I hide it with a smile. 
I try and I try to be whole and happy. 
But something is lost when you’re rapped. 

I pray for my healing because I don’t feel strong enough anymore. 
I am a Christian now because I needed a savior. 
The pain inside me is constant and excruciating. 
Try as I might I cannot ignore it for long. 
Tears roll down my cheeks without my permission. 

“I’m over it.” I say out loud. 

It has been so long. 

Why am I not over it??? 

I cannot get over it.

What should I do? 

Oh God. 

You are the only one… 
These are not tears but prayers of salt and water leaving me and releasing the pressure. 
I tell myself out loud to breathe. 
Tension is the devil and pain is only a tool being used to cripple and silence me. 

The fear and paranoia is from the enemy. 

I pray for protection and peace. 
It makes me so sad…

…to look around and see others suffer the same ways. 
I know I am not alone in this. 

Sometimes that makes it worse… 

I feel for all of those in pain. 

I feel this deeply. 

It hurts to know others are feeling this violation and pain. 

Others, all over are experiencing it right now and I cry out for them. 

Oh how I wish He would take it away. 

One day perhaps when we die I can see the true reasons why. 

For now I try not to cry. 

-Dominique Barrentine 

Progress on the Moving Process Washington to California 


So things are coming along quite well. Not to say there haven’t been bumps along the way, there has been. Today our house in Washington closed, officially. Yay!

Packing is nearly done and we now have a U-Haul until Sunday. I’m hoping this week we will be attending church in Fairfield at Liberty Church for a second time. I really enjoyed the sermon and worship last time we went. The spirit was in the house.


Unfortunately I pinched a nerve in my neck but it seems to be healing some. Ouchy. What bad timing I always seem to have?! Perhaps it’s just stress. So I try to take a deep breath and slow down my heart.

Perhaps I’ll go draw some more. That always helps. I’ve been taking a bath everyday too since I hurt my neck. The warm water soothes the tension. Taking care of yourself is a very important part of moving!


I’ve made significant progress in the editing stage of my book. As far as spelling and grammar goes I do believe I am nearly there. I have sent out a few copies to friends and family for test reading already as well. The best word I could use to describe it is, “intense.” Looking forward I hope to receive some feedback on my work.


I captured this sequence over the course of my orchids bloom life. I love watching the circle of life unfolding before my eyes. If cared for properly this plant will continue to send up spikes of blooms for many years to come. I hope she survives the move. If they do all the plants will love the extra sunshine!

My neighbor guy gave me these beautiful lilacs. They smell so fragrantly! Maybe I will put a few flowers in my bath. I gifted him these bright sunny daffodils in return. I took pictures over the course of the bloom opening.

 Overall I have many mixed feelings about moving. As much as I’m scared and anxious I am also excited. It will be interesting to see what the next stage in life will bring. I pray to “Make new friends but keep the old ones. One is silver and the other is gold.” Also I pray that God will watch after us on our journey. I am so emotional today but I’m sure everything will be ok. Thankfully my hubby understands me so well, otherwise he might have decided to leave without me! Haha. Anyways, here is to new adventures! 🍸

-Dominique Barrentine

Barrentinedominique@gmail.com

Moving to California 

From the first time I visited California I have wanted to live there. My dear husband was raised in Redwood City, California and thinks San Francisco is the best city in the world. So when he had to opportunity to move to Fairfield we just had to go. We both knew immediately that it was the right thing to do. It was as if God opened a door and spoke clearly to us both. It is time to go.         I can’t tell you what the future holds for us. But I know it is going to be new and exciting. God has a plan on how we can serve him in the community of Fairfield. 

 

     When we went to Fairfield to pick out a house we visited Liberty Church. 

Www.libertychurchonline.org 

  
       This church was filled with the Holy Spirit. We could feel His presence the moment we entered the sanctuary. Jesus was near. God was in the house. I know I speak for us both when I say we were comfortable here.

     It happens to be a larger church then I am used to. Which may be a really good way to make new friends in the area. Being a multi-cultural church there was a wide variety of people there. 

     The sermon was bible based but sprinkled in tidbits of personal experience. Worship in this church was awesome. They have an excellent band, singers, and even worship dancers of all abilities. They do extensive outreach in the community and are currently looking for more volunteers. Count me in! 

      We still plan on staying in touch with the Gathering church here in Washington. I will be sending lesson sheets online to one of my helpers. Also several of the parents and teens have stepped up to help supervise on Sundays. Whenever we are in town I’m sure hubby and I will still be attending our beloved friends’ church The Gathering @ the Landing in Renton 
  
I was packing up some of my paintings the other day and came across this one. 

It is titled

Circular Insanity

Black charcoal and water on canvas

24″X24″

I couldn’t pack it properly because it’s so delicate and being a two foot square I don’t even have a large enough box if I did want to pack it. Does anyone wish to purchase it maybe?

  

Spiritual Warfare

        The battle between good and evil started at the beginning of time. Since humans have had knowledge and free will we have had the ability to choose between what is good and what is bad. We try to deny the truth but in our hearts we know when something is wrong. 

        God wants us to do good. He wants us to be the best we can be. To be healthy and kind, to have love in our lives, that is what it means to be close to God. He knows we are not perfect and we never could be. Don’t judge yourself for we have already been judged. We have all been found to be sinners. Imperfect. But we can try to be good. 

        God sent us Jesus as a way to the light. He knew we would fail alone so God sent his one and only son as a perfect gift to the world. The gift of salvation and the ability to concour death. Because Christ rose from the grave we will also be risen, into heaven and the presence of God. All you have to do is trust in that and believe.

       We cannot be saved by our works alone. We need Jesus in our lives to do spiritual warfare on our behalf. Why? Because of the devil and his itty bitty little demons. 

        I saved this image from the Seattle Asian Art Museum yesterday to share the next time I wrote about demons. I really loved how this demon was depicted so small and in such a weak position. 

  

       Here is another image of this itty bitty little devil. The mask is about real life size to give you an idea of how small he really is. You could squash him under your shoe. 

       My husband told be just by saying, “I am covered in the blood of Jesus Christ!” Has the power to protect you from all evils. There is power in His name. Nothing can stop Him that comes from God. He will return one day and on that day we will rejoice. We Win! 

-Dominique Barrentine 
  

Finding Jesus

Finding Jesus          I was not raised in a Christian household. In fact my family was about as far as you could get. My mother was an “earth based spiritualist” as she would say… witchcraft in reality. And my stepfather was atheist but really hated Christians. I had a lot of experience with spells and tarot cards, the black book and all sorts of a occult activities. 

        My biological mother was the main instigator in the alternative lifestyle that we were exposed to. She was very against church and Christians in general. She would always tell me stories about how judgmental and terrible Christians are.           

     As children we drank at home, smoke cigarettes and smoked marijuana all the time. We even had family poker nights. I started smoking age 9 and drinking around 12 years old. My mother smoked so together we would smoke like girlfriends in high school. My mother never encouraged me to do much and even allowed my boyfriend who was 10 years older than me to move into the house. I was 15 and he was 25. He was also in Nevada corrections but she didn’t care she bailed him out so he could come live with us. This is getting way off track, let me get back on point.

I was not raised in a religious household. I walked down a path in my youth that put me very close to the devil. When I was saved I was living in a home dedicated to devil worship. I did not see it that way at the time, because I was so naïve. I didn’t realize that people you love weren’t supposed to treat you as a slave and beat you while saying they love you. For those of you who might’ve guessed this was a BDSM alternative lifestyle household. I was supposed to be a slave in their house. My uncle had brought me there two days after my 18th birthday and left me. 

     I had to been there a little over year when the man who is now my husband met me by chance on a train. I generally wasn’t allowed to leave the state but I was working as a model and had a job in California. I needed to travel for work otherwise I never would’ve been on a train. Today I would probably be dead. 

But I met him. And he said “let’s go this way.” And I followed. And my life will never be the same.

This man is a Christian. He realized when we met the potential inside of me. He listened to me and cared for me. I could see this love in his eyes as I told him about my life. Remembering it I get emotional because no one, especially not a man, had ever shown me the concern on his face. I could tell that he really cared whether or not I lived or died or what I’ve been through. 

    He told me that day that I should write so that other young women wouldn’t feel so alone. Perhaps by writing, over time, I can help save other people. And isn’t that the true meaning of being a Christian? 

       Obviously there are a lot of other details that go into the telling of the story. When I tell my testimony I just want to say it’s never too late. Even if you think you are the darkest most evil person, Jesus can find a way. He already has. We are our own worst judges. When you feel hopeless, that is the devil trying to destroy you just remember… We win! Don’t allow him to tell you otherwise. He is a dirty liar. All of us have done bad things but to God no sin is unforgivable. 

So I would just want to end by saying I give my whole self to God knowing that he put me through the challenges I have been through so that I can give him the glory. He wants me to share the most humiliating parts of myself to glorify him. I will not be ashamed of the things in my past. I will be proud to be saved. I am proud! Thank you Jesus.

-Dominique Barrentine