ADULT CONTENT WARNING:: This blog post concerns sensitive material concerning rape and may be triggering or offensive to some people. I am outraged and deeply saddened when I hear of cases such as the State of California vs. Brock Turner. Our legal system is demented when rapists are given a slap on the wrist. How is it that so many people can look the other way? Unfortunately rapists are all around us. The sex offender registry is a joke. We need new judges, new laws, and steeper consequences. I think the book should be thrown at this kid and all others like him. Rape is wrong.
When it happens to other people
They say how sad,
They say poor thing,
But when it happens to you it’s different,
How can they sit there and tell me to get over it?
This pain inside is unreal.
They say that it gets easier but how long will it take?
If I continue on with this inward struggle I’m afraid I might break.
I try my best to hide it.
I cry silently.
Stifling the sobs and inside screaming.
Compartmentalization has become a full time job.
Enjoying anything is difficult.
Sometimes I hate myself so badly.
I wish I had fought them off.
Almost all of the men I knew abused me…used me…
I forgive them.
Why can’t I forgive myself?
I feel betrayed and alone.
Often I hide it with a smile.
I try and I try to be whole and happy.
But something is lost when you’re rapped.
I pray for my healing because I don’t feel strong enough anymore.
I am a Christian now because I needed a savior.
The pain inside me is constant and excruciating.
Try as I might I cannot ignore it for long.
Tears roll down my cheeks without my permission.
“I’m over it.” I say out loud.
It has been so long.
Why am I not over it???
I cannot get over it.
What should I do?
You are the only one…
These are not tears but prayers of salt and water leaving me and releasing the pressure.
I tell myself out loud to breathe.
Tension is the devil and pain is only a tool being used to cripple and silence me.
The fear and paranoia is from the enemy.
I pray for protection and peace.
It makes me so sad…
…to look around and see others suffer the same ways.
I know I am not alone in this.
Sometimes that makes it worse…
I feel for all of those in pain.
I feel this deeply.
It hurts to know others are feeling this violation and pain.
Others,all over are experiencing it right now and I cry out for them.
Oh how I wish He would take it away.
One day perhaps when we die I can see the true reasons why.
For now I try not to cry.